Forgive Yourself

I need to tell now the true story of my only real sin or mistake.
I was 9 years old and I was educated to be very kind and generous, believing more and more that helping others brings real happiness in one’s life. And I did my best to help others, always thinking or saying something good about them with my whole heart.
When I was 9 I was invited to a wedding for the first time in my life. It was the wedding of my uncle, the brother of my mother. My grandma made a beautiful pink dress for me for that occasion and she was proud of it. It was almost touching ground, it had a beautiful collar and a long belt from the same cloth, she made a ribbon around my waist.
My aunt combed my hair knitting two thin plaits around my temples.
I went to visit the bride at her house and after that they decided to let me and another girl, one year older than me to carry the big wedding candles in the church. I was made maid of honor and I was happy, it was incredible for me.
One thing ruined my joy and happiness that day…I saw the other girl carrying the candle. She was an old acquaintance of the bride and her hair was sparkling with spangle, like the bride’s hair. I was envious, they didn’t put spangle in my hair and for me it seemed so nice and attractive.
Then my conscience made me think again and again about that, making me feeling ashamed and full of remorse. Why was I so stupid? Why wasn’t me just happy to be there, without that shameful envy?
So many years I was ruminating about that event. Only late in life I understood a fundamental thing – people must learn to forget and to understand. And real happiness and forgiveness come only when you understand your own mistakes, being able to forgive yourself and to become a better person. I understood that many people cannot forgive others because their hearts are filled with hidden and suppressed anger towards themselves.
I understood that my greater mistake was not that envy but the fact that I was blaming myself too much about that, not being able to overcome that remorse.

Categories: thoughts | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Forgive Yourself

  1. Yun Yi

    very thoughtful post. i agree that the reason those who could not forgive others mostly because they do not forgive themselves.

  2. Thanks Yun Yi. It is true that sometimes people are the cause of others’ suffering (in the past) and then they cannot forgive others (in the present) because they have their own guilt hidden inside their hearts, a guilt they could not comprehend or forgive. It is not easy to forgive. I think it is better for them to forget if they cannot forgive. I mean not to think about the wrong or the pain someone did to them in the past, engaging in another activity.
    But when you can forgive or at least forget the wrong others did to you, life is better and worth living.

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