Can you understand hunger without hopes?

Again hunger and frustration.
I collected my rent, about 250 euros, a little too early this month.
For three days I starved, lacking money for food.
I don’t know if you understand this, it is so frustrating.

I did absolutely nothing wrong my whole life and they took my basic human rights, I don’t have the right to work anything.
You can say that i could have spent less, but this is the truth: I have money only for food since 2009 and I am totally alone. There are many frustrations, for example the fact that my sweat is blue-green…and many abdominal pains etc.
You cannot imagine how it is not to be able to buy necessary cloth or other things apart from food.
Not to mention that an individual needs some decent entertainment, for example walking in a park if ballet or other shows are too expensive.

Because of too many frustrations, but most of all because of solitude, I smoke …while I have money only for food.

I entered today a confectionery in the neighborhood, where I went many times in the past, buying the cheapest things. And I humbly asked for food, for a loan of half an euro until this afternoon when I will get some money from my mother. And the seller refused. Although I left there coins, the change, as I had seen others doing this!!

Then I took my last gold object left for me (because I already pawned my bracelets) and went to a pawning house where they gave money for that gold.

Now my only hope and prayer is that they will give me back my chain (a souvenir I cared about) when i will pay back my debt.

I don’t understand, after 30 years of solitude and miseries, why they are still persecuting me, I never hurt nor a human being, neither mother nature….

May, 28th, 2013

Categories: journal | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Can you understand hunger without hopes?

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